( he thinks: if he wasn't shit, he'd be dead, and romy would be the gardener above instead of the gardener between. his miracle daddy. his daddy who stands in sunlight and calls it cultivation. jules won't get that, either, so romy doesn't try. )
[ final piece of something slotting into place. a quiet oh, it was this i needed.
one handed, he slips down to tug at his cock, lazy slow. ]
the second time i kissed you i licked all the blood out your mouth and off your face n i was so hard it made me stupid i still remember how you looked
all i ever want is for you to b happy but all i ever want is to be the one to do it u know because ur mine n i’m urs
so nobody else gets to fuck you up cuz that’s mine n no one else gets to fuck me up cuz that’s yours no one else gets it or deserves it
[ languidly, he shimmies his boxers down his thighs and spits down onto his hand, onto his half-chubbed cock, then snaps a photo of it, shiny wet head peeking out through his fist. he sends it through want-delirium, then, ]
i wanted you before that first kiss since i knew how to want anything is that fucked up
Edited (SORRY im half asleep) 2026-04-05 09:27 (UTC)
no ive always wanted u i thought it was a fact that we were supposed to be tgt like how the sky is blue n the world turns n shit
( a fundamental law of reality, like physics, like fucking math. for six straight months after he was taken from jules, he'd wake up in the middle of the night, screaming about a missing limb. jules, his phantom limb. )
dont be mad at me anymore im jealous of ur hand i wish it was my mouth
it don't feel right when we're not togther u know what i mean
[ you are ten and you are in hell waiting for your brother to come get you the way you always manage to come get each other. you are eleven and hell is your new mother and her family telling you aren't really a person, not in the way other people are people. you are fifteen and hell is something else, someone else, but always your new mother, and always being separated from your brother. you are seventeen and hell is finding him and he isn't there, he's outside his body while you beg him to come back to himself. you are twenty, and twenty-one, twenty-two, and so on, and hell is watching your brother become someone else and you are always apart now, and you are always missing him.
today hell is this, separation by choice, by habit, his hand instead of Romy's mouth, Romy's hand instead of Jules'. sometimes his head gets all fucked up when he thinks too hard about how they live two different lives now. it never feels right. he hasn't felt right since that last night when they were ten, or maybe since that first kiss.]
i love you but you always try and piss me off even though all i want is you i'd give you me all the time if you really wanted it. i'd fuck you up every day n put you back together n i'd let you do the same to me why aren't u here so i can sit in your throat so i can sit pretty on ur dick where i'm supposed to be u always say u want me and then u never come n do something about it
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
ur the only thing ive ever missed
dont be stupid
no subject
would you be happy
no subject
1/2
no subject
1/2
our mother below speaks 2 me more than she speaks to my daddy
no subject
ive been thinking abt u fucking me all day
i want my mouth on ur dick
i wanna fuck u up
i want u 2 fuck me up
no subject
[ noted, filed away, will circle back to later. ]
do u remember our first kiss
no subject
yeah
u were shivering so hard i thought it was me
no subject
[ final piece of something slotting into place. a quiet oh, it was this i needed.
one handed, he slips down to tug at his cock, lazy slow. ]
the second time i kissed you i licked all the blood out your mouth and off your face n i was so hard it made me stupid
i still remember how you looked
all i ever want is for you to b happy
but all i ever want is to be the one to do it u know
because ur mine
n i’m urs
so nobody else gets to fuck you up cuz that’s mine
n no one else gets to fuck me up cuz that’s yours
no one else gets it or deserves it
[ languidly, he shimmies his boxers down his thighs and spits down onto his hand, onto his half-chubbed cock, then snaps a photo of it, shiny wet head peeking out through his fist. he sends it through want-delirium, then, ]
i wanted you before that first kiss
since i knew how to want anything
is that fucked up
no subject
i thought it was a fact that we were supposed to be tgt like how the sky is blue n the world turns n shit
( a fundamental law of reality, like physics, like fucking math. for six straight months after he was taken from jules, he'd wake up in the middle of the night, screaming about a missing limb. jules, his phantom limb. )
dont be mad at me anymore
im jealous of ur hand
i wish it was my mouth
no subject
[ you are ten and you are in hell waiting for your brother to come get you the way you always manage to come get each other. you are eleven and hell is your new mother and her family telling you aren't really a person, not in the way other people are people. you are fifteen and hell is something else, someone else, but always your new mother, and always being separated from your brother. you are seventeen and hell is finding him and he isn't there, he's outside his body while you beg him to come back to himself. you are twenty, and twenty-one, twenty-two, and so on, and hell is watching your brother become someone else and you are always apart now, and you are always missing him.
today hell is this, separation by choice, by habit, his hand instead of Romy's mouth, Romy's hand instead of Jules'. sometimes his head gets all fucked up when he thinks too hard about how they live two different lives now. it never feels right. he hasn't felt right since that last night when they were ten, or maybe since that first kiss.]
i love you
but you always try and piss me off even though all i want is you
i'd give you me all the time if you really wanted it.
i'd fuck you up every day n put you back together n i'd let you do the same to me
why aren't u here so i can sit in your throat
so i can sit pretty on ur dick where i'm supposed to be
u always say u want me and then u never come n do something about it